Well, who’d have thought it, ‘Kevin the Kidney’ and ‘Samuel the Stent’ have only gone and fallen for each other. I feel like I’ve been shit on from a great height. I know I’m covered in shit most days but this just feels like a betrayal of the worst kind. How could they, how dare they, will life ever be the same.
I’ve cried many a tear this last week playing this ‘Tears on My Pillow’ over and over – what am I to do.
I’ve got to pull myself together
So what am I to do, my only solace is I have still have Dotty, so I asked for her wisdom once again. Dotty’s Words to me summed it up beautifully – how can I ever thank her. She Said ‘Some People are just beautifully wrapped bags of Shit’ and that’s just who you are., but I suggest you do the ‘manly’ thing and speak to Kevin as ‘Asshole’ to ‘Kidney’ and so begins the prep. Not being very good at these things I decided to do some prep!
And so I took the plunge and commenced
‘The Interview’ prepped with a voddy and pineapple to set the mood
‘Harold’ – So you think you’ve found love Kevin – What does it feel like?
‘Kevin the Kidney’ – I didn’t know what love felt like until he filled my heart with pieces of himself.
I’ve never know such a fullness, an ocean of feelings overflowing into the emptiest part of me
‘Harold’ – Really but what about the ‘Friendship and Love’ we had and have shared over the past 3 years does all that count for nothing?
‘Kevin the Kidney’ – Who are you kidding ‘Harold’ with the long line of ‘Loves’ you’ve had over the past 3 years including ‘Hilda the Nephrostomy’ ‘Hermonie’ – your piss head of a buddy who was another bag of nerves filled with pee and who was in cahoots with Hilda (little did you know that) ‘Sarah the Stent’ , and not forgetting Bloody ‘Princess Stephanie of the Stent’ – they’ve all come and gone and I’ve always taken you back every time and I’ve been the only constant in your life, never leaving you insides from the first day we met.
Even ‘Leggy’ the large intestine left you along with ‘Fanny’ , ‘Olive the Ovary’ and ‘Phil and Phyllis the Fallopian tubes – they all gone.
So it my turn now
No more Harold – I’m done with you Sammy is now my new beau
‘Harold’ – Well who’d have thought it, I admire your strength and character Kevin, lets remain friends after all we are neighbours and I know you’ll never leave my insides. I’ll move on and thank you for being so frank’
And finally Kevin did no more than give me a few verses of this!!!