I'm Harold the Stoma. This blog is about how I came to be and my adventures with my lovely owner 'Dotty Cotty' You wouldnt want to see a pic of me 'I'm a bit cac handed' so thats my owner in pic, but you'll grow to love me as Dotty has.
Well its all been a bit quiet to say the least. Sarah and I have been behaving and so theirs nothing much to write about at the moment. Which is a good thing really as it means Dotty is well.
I do know however in these times its hard to be social but Dotty has something planned for the weekend. She’s planning a surprise pub crawl for Dave as a special treat and is ‘Looking for Recommendations and Taxi Prices’
Dotty is planning a pub crawl on Friday night and is looking for taxi prices ££££. They will be leaving at 6.30pm and are starting out at ‘The Living Room Arms’ this pub usually hosts a good sports package, not sure if there will be anything sporty on on Friday but hey ho.
They will then working their way to ‘The Comfy Couch’ which is a little way from the ‘The Living Room Arms’ but is situated north in the ‘Kitchen Area’
They are then going to becoming back on themselves to Cotty’s Bar where no doubt they will probably spend most of there evening as it has a games room including a pool table, darts and they do a mean cocktail in there.
Finally we they will go for their final drink in ‘The Bedroom Bar’. I know that sounds mad but your always a bit peckish on the way home and can pick up something to eat there.
Lets hope its successful and always remembers Dotty catch line ‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life’
The weekend started started off well, a pleasant train 🚄 journey down to London, quiet but pleasant, not many masks to be seen but then not many people either. Arriving at 1.30pm a dognut 🍩and a nice cup of tea 🍵 to start, just talking pleasantry’s and reminiscing about old school friends 👨💻👨🎓👱♀️👩🚀🧝♀️🧝♂️ and nights out, all very calm, but then as 6pm drew near I could hear, see feel menance in Dottys voice 🤪🤯 and body language, it was like Dotty didn’t want me to be my usual wet liquidy self. Sarah had been practising her pelvic floor and playing nice but then she drugged me. YES I can’t believe it to either DRUGGED ME out came the packet of purple and green tablets 🍆🍏(Loperimide)and 2 went pop into her hand, I could see her reaching for the bottle 🍼(only water for now) and without another thought there they were in her mouth, the gulp of water came and down they went. It didnt take long for them to subdue me, 😟 but much more than that I knew what was coming, Sarah seemed excited 😍🤗🤩 but it was all new to her, little didn’t she know what she had been practising for. To be continued……
If you’ve read my section ‘A Chapter of my Life from October 2019’ you will already know ‘Sarah the Stent’ was born into me on Tuesday 11th February 2020 after the expulsion of ‘Hilda’
So here I am to tell of her birth and story so far.
She’s a quiet curly little tube much shorter and slimmer that ‘Stan the Stent’ who rented a space previously through my ureter but then ladies are usually much more petite than their male counterparts.
She’s renting a space currently, unlike me who was renting for a time but now I’m a fully paid up owner / occupier (Mortgage free) on ‘Dotty’
She hasn’t signed a rental agreement and is just paying on a weekly basis at the moment and you know me sometimes it doesn’t take much for me to decide it’s time to go. I’ve never been very accommodating, but I think as I grow older, I will learn to be, let’s face it none of us are getting any younger
I don’t see or hear much from her and she doesn’t speak much but ‘She can be a bit of a dribbler at times’ and I’m not talking football either’ but we are learning to cope with her. (The Big Knickers help)
I do know however, she is energetic and loves practising ‘pelvic floor exercises’ to strengthen her muscles at least 2 or 3 times a day. She hasn’t divulged what she’s training for just yet but I’m hoping it might be a marathon. Not the sort of 26-mile marathon but the type of marathon when ‘Dotty’ goes out to have a few drinks she’s able to hold herself.
I’m sure well hear a bit more from her in the future but for now we’ll say ‘Au Revoir’ to her and catch up again soon.
So a Few weeks ago it’s was my 2nd birthday to be precise, on 25th January 2020.
So being the kind young Stoma I am I thought I’d give ‘Dotty ‘ a surprise and boy what a surprise it was – well I was about hit the ‘Terrible 2’s’. It was Friday 24th January 2020 and Dotty was working in the Office.
So, there she was minding her own business, she had participated in the customary ‘Breakfast Run’ she’d had ‘Bacon on Toast’ on ‘White’ so no alarms bells where ringing at this point. The food was low fibre, and all was good. But little did she know about that new snack she was about to try for her mid-morning snack, yes this was to be my finest hour yet. I started grumbling, the noises getting LOUDER AND LOUDER. What was about to happen was nothing short of a miracle. I continued to grumble UNTIL
YES I’d done it, with the mightiest BANG POP FIZZ I exploded right there in the middle of the Office
FAME at last, everyone in the Office knew what I’d done as ‘Dotty’ squealed ‘SHIT HAROLD’S EXPLODED’. All what I could muster up running down her leg (good job she had trousers on)
Little did I know but apart from the squeal nothing phased Dotty – she bobbed off to the loo, rags in hand and stuffed them down her trousers, closing her PC, and off she went, home to clean up.
Her lovely team cleaning away her lunch dishes, the lovely hubster running her a bath for when arrived home and her new boss who must of thought ‘This woman is BARKING’
An hour later she was logged back on and back into the swing of things. It clearly didn’t upset her as per the following day she went out to celebrate my actual birthday. A few cocktails at Turtle Bay then onto ‘Concert Square for eats and more drinks.
A few lines on what it’s like to live with me Dotty Cotty
I woke up on a woman
She didn’t seem that pleased
I caused her lots of problems
Especially when she sneezed
I show her my annoyance
That I was also taken from
The place that I was happy
Connected to her bum
We decided on a truce from then
We would both then do our part
She would do the cleaning
And I would help her poo depart
She cleans me very carefully
With different creams and sprays
If she does it properly
My bag will last for days
I can’t help being naughty though
Especially when she sleeps
I will fill the bag with lots of poop
And that is when she sleeps
She jumps up out of bed and shouts
You’re such a bleep bleep bleep
You have done this one too often
And disturbed my sleep
I decided to be nice for once
And stopped my messy play
I was very tired myself of course
I’d had a busy day
She eats things that turn runny
And things that can be red
She eats things that are smelly
And wonders why I smell
There are times though that she likes me
When I act all sweet and cute
She will let me shower
In nothing but my but suit
I relish in the freedom
I love the clean fresh smell
The foamy soft light bubbles
Make me poo and fart so well
I know she doesn’t mind this
As long as I keep it zipped
When she steps outside the shower
I am meant to stay tight lipped
No pooping on the towel
No pooping on the floor
I’m to keep my side of the bargain
And not poop on the floor
Then she will keep me in the open
And let me play outside
While she finishes her ablutions
I do not have to hide
Just when she thinks she’s done it
And got me under wraps I
do what I do best of course
And we fall out once again…
Well what a day, we survivied lunch choosing quite sensiby but had to dip into some ‘onion rings’ (which are usually a BIG NO NO,) along with a ham, cheese and pineapple toastie, pineapple being another NONO, along with a bit of fizz. Well it would be rude not to – thank you to the ‘Hubster’ for the run out.
Then onto the evening shenanigans ‘little sleep’ has been had and more fizz and plenty of laughter Thank you to the Hoylake Crew for such a fab evening.
Dotty and I are now recovering, I was far too energentic last night even for my own liking.